Week in the Life

A no-nonsense, self-centered roundup

Hey folks.

After another death-by-imagination, I am trying on an amoebic commitment to sense and direct experience. Obviously there will be no purity to the exercise, but I am sure any attempted retreat from the sword-race of overthinking makes a difference. In light of this commitment, I am keeping this week’s post more simple.

So here are some things that happened, and how they made me feel

1. I submitted my track, “Cailleach,” to a few publications and playlists on Groover.

   1. How it felt: like doing due diligence, followed by an assault from the peanut gallery in my head. Buzzy

2. It got rejected by some curators and accepted by others. Varying levels of ego damage and growth from feedback.

   1. How it felt: like being skinned alive in both cases (“Cailleach” is one of my most vulnerable songs)

3. I pulled a “what the hell” and cold-emailed a bunch of people I admired

   1. How it felt: N/A

4. Exchanged stories from the underworld with my friend on a river.

   1. How it felt: cathartic.

5. Went to an “LFO” Listening session at Material Art Gallery (“LFO” is an intermedia collaboration between local textile artist Mary Toscano and sound artist Andrew Reese Shaw. There are still some listening sessions left, I believe…)

   1. How it felt: total creative expansion. Warm and friendly.

6. Shot the bull and did music mixing with my engineer friend, who gave me a pep talk

   1. How it felt: like being in flow

7. Took a sick day from work on Friday, stayed in bed, then emerged to see an exhibition of Kylie Finlinson’s work (+ a performance by Mindy Gledhill) at the Orem Public Library. Then I ate pasta with a friend. Exhibit is still at the library. Go see it!!

   1. How it felt: nice to sleep despite emotional horrors, only mildly overstimulating to go outside, moving art, excellent pasta

8. Went on a run and found myself at the cemetery where my uncle is buried. Saw a hawk

   1. How it felt: deeply refreshing, a sense of all being alive around me. Landscape reverence. Synchronistic

9. Called another friend and talked about punk mentality

   1. How it felt: enlightening

10. Played some music !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with community

    1. How it felt: so fun. I’m excited to have friends. Lightheaded because i hadn’t eaten enough

11. First day at a new job

    1. How it felt: I don’t wanna talk about it

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Here is something I saw that inspired me:

This image of a nebula that looks like an eye

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Here are things I remembered, that I had forgotten:

• I love to tell myself stories about how often I am rejected. In reality, this experience is less common than daily rejections by my formidable cast of inner critics. Exposing myself to the possibility of acceptance is much more uncomfortable, so I interpret everything as a criticism in order to remain in the familiarity of the story.

• Your creative practice needs to be your first priority. It will always be more important and more nourishing than the career component. The inner entrepreneur is a great follower and a poor leader.

• Separate your tasks from their reception. Similar to the last point: Your job is to make the stuff and share it. Your job is not to please people. Be ruthless about enforcing this boundary.

• Shitty first drafts are your friend (thank u Anne Lamott)

• Related: Keep making new stuff while wrapping up the album. It will provide enough satisfaction and joy to keep the pressure off, and the presence of the near-done project will remove pressure from your new creations to “perform.”

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Here are my questions:

• What is the upshot of interpreting geomythology from an archetypal lens in addition to metaphor for historical geological events?

• Can a professional musician build a life outside the music industry? What is the music industry? What revolutionary worlds can musicians build?

• How does a song begin?

• How can we tell new stories inspired by old myths without obscuring the sacred value of the old stories OR giving into archaic purism?

• How can we tell entwined human-environmental stories without relegating either the human or non-human cast to the backdrop? (eg: Romantic literature and art)

• Am I living in harmony with the life I want? Do my material goals match my soul goals?

• How am I keeping myself small? Which blocks against my expansion need compassionate attention?

• How can I do stuff scared? How do I grow my window of tolerance for generative discomfort?

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Here is stuff I am considering doing:

• Getting a dumb phone for my birthday and abandoning my iPhone for a trial period of 3 months

• Following up on a friend’s recommendation to read the work of Saidiya Hartman

• Putting my hands in the goddamn soil

• Doing stuff for fun :’)

• Going back to the Georgia O’Keeffe Museum

• Embracing intermedia in my own practice

• Crayons / puppets

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Here is what I am reading:

• Myth and Geology by L. Piccardi and W.B. Mass

• The Mountain in the Sea by Ray Nayler

• Caliban and the Witch by Silvia Federici

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Here is a painting I found on Pinterest:

Nuit étoilée à Tiguidit by Titouan Lamazou

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Here is music I have on repeat:

• Shimli by Cynefin

• Alligator Bites Never Heal by Doechii

• Eye of the Beholder by Chick Corea Elektric Band

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Good luck out there

<3, C